"My Gaydar is Broken!"

I found this article while "slogging" (my word for surfing through blogs) this morning. It's from http://lezgetreal.blogspot.com/, and it's interesting; it made me wonder, IS there such a thing as "gaydar"? I've always thought so; I've always felt that I have excellent gaydar, and I always tell people "of course I can tell, it takes one to know one." Not always true.... Of course with the "dykes" it's usually easy, but what about the "femmes"? (God I hate these labels!) If you see two women walking down the street holding hands, both in skirts and wearing makeup and jewelry, are they gay or just close friends? How do you tell? Anyway, read the article, and then tell me what you think about gaydar. IS there such a thing? How does it work? And does YOURS work?



Sunday, September 28, 2008

If you don’t know what ‘Gaydar’ is, it’s the ability to determine whether someone is gay or not.

Apparently, I lack that ability because I am a lesbian and I didn’t even know it! My Gaydar is definitely broken. And it’s not like there weren’t signs either… the first time I ever had that ‘funny feeling’ about somebody was in 5th grade. There was a talent show at the junior high school across the street from my elementary school. For some reason, when this really cute guy was on the stage singing, I got a feeling in my body that I had never had before. Imagine my shock, when after the song he took a bow, dropped his cap, and turned out to be a she. OMG. And you would think that I knew at that point that I had an affinity to boi girls. Nope. Not me. I still chased the boy boys on the playground. I still sang the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song to the boys like all the other girls did. And I still checked “yes” in the box when a boy asked me to ‘go around’.


I didn’t pay any attention to the fact that the ‘funny feeling’ wasn’t there.

I didn’t know it was supposed to be there in these situations. I just did what all the other girls did. What a follower I was, sheesh. (*LOL) Hey I didn’t know any better – what did I know in the 5th grade?? Then in the 6th grade I went into middle school, and oh boy was my Gaydar WAY off that year! I had a girl in my class (who shall remain nameless) approach me with a letter. In the letter she told me how she never felt this way with anyone before and wanted to be my best friend. (hmmm…) Well, right around the same time a boy in my class wrote me a letter to the same effect, just not as poetically and he was asking to be my boyfriend. Well I didn’t see anything wrong with having a best friend and a boyfriend so I said yes to both. I didn’t understand it at the time, but this caused conflict and jealous feelings between the two of them. Our school was having a fair which included a ‘marriage booth’. My best friend wanted to take a picture with me, my boyfriend wanted to marry me. So what did I do? I avoided the conflict and married the next guy that came along of course! Hahaha Remember, I was in the 6th grade. In retrospect, I can see just how off the mark I was with my feelings and attractions, and I wonder how I could have been so blind?

It’s not like it ended there either.

I was completely unaware of the fact that I had an affinity for girls, even though I did in fact have an affinity for girls. As the years went on, I pretty much said yes to any boy that wanted to be my boyfriend. Part of this was out of pure curiosity, but I mostly said yes just to be polite. Mama was big on manners. But the ‘funny feeling’, well, it was mostly only there when I would see an attractive girl. I told myself I was just looking at her hair, her clothes, her style – and I was. I was just in denial that I was looking at those things because of anything other than physical attraction. Checking girls out was for research purposes; purely fashion related of course.

How could I have been so off base?

It just didn’t click in my head that “Hey stupid, you like girls.” It just didn’t occur as a possibility to me that two women could have a relationship the same as a man and woman do. I guess it didn’t help that my parents never presented the option. They mostly instilled the idea of going to school, getting married, and having kids. I guess because the gay community is at a loss when it comes to natural reproduction, the thought never occurred to my parents that becoming a lesbian might possibly be an option for me. Well let me tell you my friends, they missed a BIG component when they overlooked the gay possibility, and I learned to look for love with a man.

So I did as my parents expected and eventually got married and had a couple of kids.

But for some reason, things just weren’t working out. We couldn’t see eye to eye. Here I was a grown woman with two children of my own and I didn’t realize that the reason I wasn’t happy with my husband was because I really wanted a wife. Things got really nutty here and I thought I could solve the problem and fix my marriage by pro-claiming myself ‘bi’. I was a married woman who had girlfriends. My parents were happy that I was keeping up with their charade, and my husband was happy that I was keeping up with his. But there was one thing I forgot to factor in, and that was my kids. By not staying true to myself and compromising I had brought them into a totally chaotic situation and there was only one way to make things right – I stood up for myself. I showed them that it doesn’t matter who you love, as long as you legitimately love them; and that you can’t love another until you find a way to love yourself.

I left the marriage as gracefully as I could given the circumstances, and moved on with my life.

Now I’ve found my true life partner, another ‘daddy’ for my kids, and one helluva human being in my ‘wife’. I totally scored and so did my kids! We’ve grown a lot together and she’s really made the difference in how I perceive myself. I am finally able to tell the world I am gay and not wince, LOL. It’s been a journey from the straight side to the life of a lesbian, yet I’ve found my Rainbow Pride and joined the Same Sex Marriage band-wagon.

But wouldn’t you know… my Gaydar is still broken.

I know this because I recently made the mistake of thinking another mom at the kids’ school was a lesbian. I asked her “Are you from a two-mommy family?” She said very matter-of-factly that her mom was as close to a second mom her son was going to get. Whoops. Now I just keep my mouth shut and smile. Having lived the straight life and the lesbian life, I have felt the change in perception that people have had about me. Plus, most people assume that I am straight, and when they find out I am a lesbian they usually say, “Oh”, like “Oh I’m sorry” Or “Oh that’s too bad”. It’s like being able to tell someone’s race over the phone, or tell what religion they are by what clothes they are wearing. Does it change the content of the person? Will you treat them differently once you’ve discovered their orientation?

I would never want to make someone feel judged like this and so I am finding that I am okay with the fact that my Gaydar doesn’t work.

I don’t know who is gay any more than I know who is straight, and I decided that I really don’t care! We weren’t all made to be clones, the fact that we are unique is a given. So rather than judging differences we need to celebrate them instead. If your Gaydar doesn’t work, its okay, you’ll get along just fine without it as long as you avoid being naïve and judgmental. If you’ve got working Gaydar, you don’t know how lucky you are to have it, especially if you are gay, but I beg you to please use it for good and not evil! There are a lot of young gay men and lesbians out there who need an open mind to accept them so that they can accept themselves - enough said.

Thank you for reading all about my Broken Gaydar and I really hope that you enjoyed this post.

Posted by ~Julie Phineas~ at 9:56 PM

U.S. Supreme Court Stays Georgia Execution

Troy Davis was convicted of murdering a police officer on the basis of 'eyewitness' testimony. There was no gun, no fingerprints, no DNA, no hairs, no shoe impressions, nothing to physically connect him to the commission of this crime except for the word of a group of people. All but two of those people have recanted their testimony. Sylvester "Red" Coles, one of the people who testified against Davis, has been identified by 9 people in sworn affidavits as the shooter. Some are willing to swear that after the shooting, Coles had a weapon. He was the alternative suspect in the case, and yet he was not the one convicted, Davis was; not only convicted, but sentenced to death, and has been refused a new trial time and time again.

What is happening in this country? Last night Troy Davis received yet another reprieve; he was two hours away from dying when he was granted a stay by the Supreme Court, which is going to decide whether or not to hear his appeal. From the Washington Post:

Davis wants the high court to order a judge to hear from the witnesses who recanted their testimony and from others who say another man confessed to the crime.

Let's hope that this time they do decide to hear the case. To continue to keep this man on death row and perhaps execute him because the prosecutor calls the witnesses recanting "suspicious" is ridiculous. What is suspicious (imo) is their refusal to even consider that they could possibly be wrong, and their obvious eagerness to put a man to death.

The Eye of Big Brother is Always Upon Us

There's a pretty interesting blog that I've dropped in on once in awhile; it's one of those that you have to 'register' to read, which I've never minded doing. I've never left a comment on the blog, merely read it every now and again when my Google Reader showed something I thought might be interesting. As a matter of fact, I haven't even been there to read anything in probably two weeks or more, so I was quite amazed to get an email from them this past week. I was even more shocked to find that it was telling me (not asking) that if I wanted to keep reading it, I had to verify that my name and picture (if I'd posted one) were authentic!! What's happening here? We can't go and read blogs without having Big Brother looming over our shoulders asking who we are? The site gave some excuse about writers knowing who each other are, which I guess I can kind of understand; if you're really serious about being a writer, and someone posts something telling you that your writing is crap and you should quit, I guess you'd want to know that the person has enough faith in them selves and what they're saying to back it up at least. In my case though, I'm just someone whose stopped by on a few occasions and read some blog posts! Why do they need to verify who I am?

The funny thing is, after getting this email and getting all riled up about it, I go to the site to see what's going on, and there's absolutely nothing about it anywhere. I went in and read some of the blog posts, and no messages popped up, no one interrupted me to ask for my web credintial or anything! I just can't understand it, what was the point of them alerting (upsetting) people like that only to do absolutely nothing when they get to the site? I'm really upset about this, Big Brother is stretching his tentacles out to spy on people and invade their very thoughts! Whether he was going to and changed his mind or he got talked out of it or he realized the futility of it all, let's hope that the fact that I didn't have to do it means that for today at least, another small section of our world still belongs to us.

"BLOG BLAST FOR PEACE" Just had to share this!

This is such a great idea, and something I never even knew existed! I definitely intend to take part; first of course I have to find the time to decorate a globe, but I'm going to make a point of it. Come on guys, make your voices heard! Blog Blast for Peace, November 6th!

(Thanks to Mimi, from Mimi Writes)

Who is Roland Martin?

No, I didn't say Rowan and Martin, I said R-O-L-A-N-D M-A-R-T-I-N. He's a political commentator that I've seen on CNN, as well as listened to in the morning on the Tom Joyner Morning Show. (I started out listening to that radio station for his "Win $1000 on the Morning Show Cash Call", and have just gotten into the habit; Tavis Smiley used to do a commentary on it as well.)

Now, I wasn't what one might call "into" politics until the Bush administration. The only good thing that I feel came out of the Bush administration was to make a lot more people aware of what is going on in our government in general, and in the Republican Party in particular. A lot of people, including myself, have followed Bush's 2 terms in office with a feeling of disillusionment and growing horror at just what's happened to our country while we were sitting back, complacent in the knowledge that we didn't need to get all upset, the government would take care of us. We didn't see any reason why we had to get upset, or go running to the polls; who was going to miss our little vote? Besides, there were enough people in the country who were getting upset and voting to make sure that things went the 'right' way. How wrong we were.

Back to the subject at hand though. There are a lot of people, (and as much as I hate to say it, a lot of them are POC) who will vote in this election based on one (or more) of three things: age, race, gender. They will vote for Obama/Biden because they're young, McCain is too old, and/or Obama is black. They will vote for McCain/Palin because Obama is too young, Obama is black, and/or Palin is a woman. I've noticed that in a lot of cases, you know who a person is going to vote for based on their age/race/gender, especially women and POC, and being both, it makes me sick to see it. Roland Martin is a young black man, the kind one would expect to see spouting the "Vote for the brother cause he's black" nonsense, but fortunately he's not. He's actually making sense, at least to me, and I've come to enjoy listening to him. I think if more people came to think like him, and voted on the issues rather than on the emotions, we might actually have a chance at improving things around in this country, rather than suffering through another 4 years of Bushonomics.

Subway Fires Former Gay Porn Star

Queers United: Subway Fires Former Gay Porn Star


I've been reading all these comments on this story, and they seem to range from the usual gay-bashing, (Good,the fag should have been fired!) to concentrating on the gloves, (As long as he had gloves on when he made my sandwich, I wouldn't care what he used to do for a living; like he couldn't do something gross with the gloves on!) to the reputation of the customer (how did the customer recognize the FACE of someone in a gay porn movie?"). Although employers are entitled to fire anyone for any reason in an "at will" state (that's what it's called in MD) they can't discriminate against anyone, and I'm sorry, it seems to me that this man was fired because the customer outted him. If an employer found out that a straight man was in a porn film, there would be back-slapping and high-fiving all around; lots of laughing and probably requests for the phone numbers of his co-stars. It's a GAY man though, omg, how horrible; not only is he gay, he actually made movies!! Firing him because one customer came in and said he recognized him points more to the phobia of the supervisor than it does to any kind of disruption or threat to Subway's business. I have never heard of any business taking the word of one customer and taking away an employee's livliehood over it. That's like a woman walking into a business and telling the boss "The woman working the cash register, I recognize her, she's the person who had an affair with my husband! I'm going to boycott your store unless you fire her!" Do you really think any rational boss would do that? Would it make sense if he did? They may be in a state that can fire an employee at will, but still an employer has to have a reason that is not discriminatory, and has to prove it's not discriminatory. If I were this guy, I would try to sue, because I really don't think that supervisor had the right to do that, and I don't think Subway is going to stand for a lawsuit over it.

Human Trafficking Victims File Lawsuit Against US Military Contractors in Iraq

I know it's a rhetorical, somewhat naive question, but what has our world come to? Is more of this what we have to look forward to if this war continues? There are 12 families who have been left without a wage earner, without a husband, without a father, without a son, and for what? Isn't it bad enough that we are over there fighting a war we should never have gone into? Isn't it enough that almost 5,000 lives have been lost in the fighting? Why are they adding to it doing things like this? These con-men, schemers...Then for 12 of the 13 to lose their lives that way; do you think the contractors would have been shaken by this, and done something good, like let the last one go?? Oh no, they take him and make him work for almost 15 months before allowing him to return to his home. This is disgraceful. I want to rant and scream and hit someone, but who? What is it going to take to make someone stop this awful mess?

Teen daughter of GOP VP pick is pregnant

I wonder when it was decided (and by who) that Bristol Pallin was going to marry her baby-daddy? She's 5 months pregnant! If she had already told her parents that she was pregnant, and that she wanted to get married, why wouldn't it have happened before Mom was picked to be McCain's running mate? Oh, and that's not her baby, btw, that's Mom's 4 month old son! Can you imagine the hell that would have been raised if she'd been picked as the Democratic running-mate?


From Dana Bash
CNN

ST. PAUL, Minnesota (CNN) -- Bristol Palin, the 17-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, is pregnant and will keep the baby and marry the baby's father, the Republican vice presidential candidate said Monday.


Bristol Palin, second from right, holds infant brother Trig at Friday's announcement of their mother's candidacy.

John McCain was aware of Bristol Palin's pregnancy before he chose her mother for his running mate, a top adviser to the Republican presidential candidate said.

The adviser, Doug Holtz-Eakin, said Monday that Palin "was completely vetted by the campaign" before she was chosen.

"Sen. McCain knew this and felt in no way did it disqualify her from being vice president," said an aide who asked not to be named. "Families have difficulties sometimes and lucky for her she has a supportive family."

The McCain aide emphasized that Bristol decided to keep the baby, a decision "supported by her parents."

Senior McCain advisers said Palin told McCain about her daughter's pregnancy in one of their "private conversations" last week before he officially asked her to run with her.

However, McCain aides said he already knew, having found out about it earlier in the vetting process.

"She was very upfront about it," one aide insisted.

Asked how the unmarried teenager's pregnancy would be received by the American people, another senior McCain adviser, Steve Schmidt, replied, "I don't know; I'm not a psychic."

Bristol Palin, a senior in high school, is about five months along, in her second trimester, according to the aide who asked not to be named.

The aide said the Palins and the McCain campaign decided to reveal the information now because of Internet rumors that Sarah Palin's 4-month-old baby, who has Down syndrome, was actually Bristol's.

"In the course of correcting that, we needed to get the truth out," the McCain aide said. iReport.com: Share your thoughts

Sarah and her husband, Todd Palin, issued a statement saying they are "proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents."

"Bristol and the young man she will marry are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of our entire family," they said in a statement issued by McCain's campaign.

They also asked the media to respect their daughter's privacy, a request echoed by McCain adviser Schmidt.

"The one thing that all the candidates agree on is this: Leave the kids alone. Leave the kids alone. This is an election about the future of the country," he said.

McCain unveiled Sarah Palin, a 44-year-old first-term Alaska governor and former small-town mayor, as his running mate Friday. The choice was a surprise to many. Watch analysts discuss the choice »

Palin said when running for governor in 2006 that she would support funding for abstinence-only education in schools, according to Eagle Forum Alaska, a conservative group that sent a questionnaire asking gubernatorial candidates their views on a range of issues.


Tony Perkins, president of the influential conservative Family Research Council, on Monday issued a statement supporting the Palin family.

"Fortunately, Bristol is following her mother and father's example of choosing life in the midst of a difficult situation. We are committed to praying for Bristol and her husband-to-be and the entire Palin family as they walk through a very private matter in the eyes of the public," Perkins said in a written statement.

What Type of Lesbian Are You?

I know, I kind of strayed away from the usual, but this was kinda fun. Couldn't wait to see what kind of Lesbian I am, so I thought I'd share it. Thanks to Lori (Hahn at Home).

What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as The Femme Fatale You're carefree, dark and adventurous...and slightly fatale to the heart. The Femme Fatale 60% The Student Dyke 55% The Surprise! Dyke 45% The Sprightly Elfin Femme 35% The Stud 35% The Quasi-Gothic Femme 25% The Pretty-Boi Dyke 25% The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke 20% The Granola Dyke 15% The Bohemian Dyke 15% The Hipster Dyke 0% The Little-Boy Dyke 0% The Magic Earring Ken Dyke 0%

Lesbian pioneer dies months after California wedding

Thu Aug 28, 2008 8:44am EDT

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Lesbian activist Del Martin died on Wednesday, just two months after marrying her partner of 55 years in one of the first legally recognized California same-sex weddings.

Martin, 87, who wed Phyllis Lyon, 83, in San Francisco's City Hall in June, died of natural causes at the University of California San Francisco Medical Center on Wednesday morning, the National Center for Lesbian Rights said.

The same-sex couple also had been the first in California to marry in San Francisco's 2004 "Winter of Love," when Mayor Gavin Newsom opened the door to gay marriage. Those unions were annulled, but an ensuing legal battle ended this summer with court backing of same-sex marriages. A stampede of marriages followed.

Trend-setting California is one of only a few countries and U.S. states to allow same-sex marriage, although state voters in November will decide whether to abolish the right.

"I am devastated, but I take some solace in knowing we were able to enjoy the ultimate rite of love and commitment before she passed," Lyon said in a statement after her wife's death.

(Reporting by Peter Henderson; Editing by Eric Beech)

Woman forced from Fed building for lesbian shirt

I sometimes wonder what makes people think that they can commit senseless acts of stupidity and get away with it? If you work for someone else, what is it that drives you to do something that you know your company is not going to back you on? Is homophobia really such a driving force that you will do something you know will probably get you reprimanded, if not fired? I think back to the heyday of the Klan, and lynching; those people knew that for the most part, society would allow them to get away with the things they did, through ignoring the situation, saying it was the victim's fault because of some small action, or just getting rid of the situation through intimidation and murder. In this situation though, what made this security guard think that he could get away with this? He cites a policy which he evidently had not read; if he had, he would have known that it did not mention clothing, and he would not have made even more of a fool of himself than he already had. It is amazing to me that someone's bigotry/homophobia could run so deep that a word on a shirt could make him react that way. I have seen people react to some strange things in some strange ways, but this one takes the cake. I wonder what that guard would do if I went in with a rainbow pussy t-shirt on....

How do you self-identify?

I found this to be a very interesting question, so I thought I'd post the blog post here. It started me thinking, just what am I? How do I self-identify? How do you know, and when do you go from questioning to sure? I'm 49 years old and have to admit that I'm still not sure. I've known since I was in the 6th grade (I still remember Gidget Collins and the tremendous crush I had on her!) that I was sexually attracted to women, and when I was 14 began having 'relationships' with them, but still went on to marry a man and have two children by him. When we divorced it had nothing to do with me questioning my identity, it had to do with his cheating ways. So now I'm married to a woman, and the idea of never again sleeping with a man doesn't bother me at all. What does that make me?

Dog dies WHILE cop tickets couple speeding to the vet

I just read a story that almost made me cry, but also fills me with outrage.

I am not a PETA type person, but I am definitely an animal lover. I feel the connection with my cat that a lot of pet owners feel, and I don't know how I would have reacted if I were in this situation. I think if the cop had not made the 'it's just a dog' statement it might not have been so bad, but to compound his heartlessness in making them sit there while their dog died by making that statement? I know some people who would be waiting for him one day when he took off that uniform and gun! I don't care how little feeling you have for animals, how can anyone stand by and watch a dog DIE just so they can give out a ticket??

Then to add insult to injury, he was found not guilty of misconduct, even though his own police chief said his behavior was "less than stellar" and called it "a rookie MISTAKE"!!!

What is wrong with people? Police officers are supposed to be people first, and officers second; this was not the behavior nor the attitude of someone that I want protecting me and my home and family, and if the people of that town had good sense they wouldn't either.

With the big to-do now about the high cost of gas, there are a ton of tips coming out about ways to cut your gas usage, usually something like carpooling or riding a bike to work. Suppose you can't ride a bike though, for whatever reason? (I work 25 miles from home and can't ride a bike 25 feet due to age, lack of exercise, and smoking for over 30 years!) Suppose you just can't find a carpooling solution that works, or even though you're carpooling, when it's your week to drive you find you're still spending a lot in gas? (That's me!) Well, I found an article that gives some pretty good tips on ways to cut down on how much gas you burn. Of course there are still the well-known tips about what you can do to your car to improve your gas mileage, as well as some info about tune-ups that isn't quite as well known. (How a spark plug wire can cause you to burn more gas.) I think these are some pretty good tips to use; even though gas prices are not rising right at this moment, they're still high, and who's to say they won't go back up again?

"I don't have hate in my heart for him. You know, I just wish he didn't hate me."

That's what the 25-yr old black woman said while lying in her hospital bed. She's got a broken leg, and she'll have a pin in it for the rest of her life, a reminder of the man who purposely ran her down with his car when she was on her bicycle going to the grocery store and then, as if hitting her wasn't enough, proceeded to scream "All black people must die" and repeatedly scream the N-word.

Driver
by krs601