Donald Trump Stunned To Learn Presidency
Is An Actual Job, His First!!
Maybe you’d better sit down for this one.
According to a report by Politico, corned
-beef dirigible Donald Trump, a skill-free
inheritance baby with a virtually unbroken
lifelong track record of incompetence and
failure, has found that running the United
States government is a tougher job than
lending his name to mail-order
steak delivery scams run by other people.
Because he is a world-historically stupid idiot who could not tell the difference between his face
and his ass even if they weren’t identical to each other, this has come as quite a shock to him.
“Being president is harder than Donald Trump thought,” begins the article, neatly capturing the
blithe, criminal ignorance that characterizes both Trump himself and the many dozens of millions
of morons who thought he should be the leader of the free world. Yes, being the president is a
harder job than Donald Trump would expect, because Donald Trump had never previously held
an actual job, because actually, spending your inheritance on a succession of failed cons is not an
actual job.
None of the revelations in here are all that surprising, if you’ve paid attention at any point in the
more than 40 years Trump has spent as a professional horse’s ass marginally enriching himself
off a succession of sleazy branding schemes (or in the over 200 years the presidency of the
United States has spent being an actual job). The fun is in the wording. Our new president occupies
a wild outer range of blundering, arrogant stupidity, far beyond that typically euphemized in
newspaper-ese, and the effort to describe the former truthfully and accurately—but without using
such frank and impolite words as “stupid” and “ignoramus” and “spray-tanned fart balloon”—very
nearly breaks the latter.
Here’s a low-key savage example, from the third paragraph:
Yet it has become apparent, say those close to the president, most of whom requested anonymity
to describe the inner workings of the White House, that the transition from overseeing a family
business to running the country has been tough on him.
“Overseeing a family business” is great. This is the way you put it when you want to say that the
president’s last gig was as the ornamental figurehead of a penny-ante hustling operation run by
his hare-brained children—who even in their vacuity knew better than to let him handle any
responsibility more sophisticated than ogling the Miss Universe contestants—but you also would
like to maybe interview him or them at some point in the future. This is what you’re left with
when the leader of the free world is incapable of thinking and operating and leading from
anywhere in the vast ocean of specificity and nuance dividing “Get me some more cash” and
“Here is what brand of tanning spray the new press secretary should use, and which parts of his
face must be sprayed with it.” Overseeing a family business.
The transition from that to being the president “has been tough on him.” Doing things that you
are not qualified to do is tough! Who could have predicted that this would be a challenge for a
butter-soft septuagenarian nincompoop?
I love this article so much. Nearly every sentence contains some marvel of delicacy. The new
president “often asks simple questions about policies, proposals and personnel.” When confronted
with details, he “has been known to quickly change the subject” or direct questions to one of his
chief advisers. His aides “joke that they wish their boss would spend more time at his
Mar-A-Lago estate.” How many ways can you avoid saying that the president is a bumbling,
pillow-fisted shit-for-brains, in a story about that exact fact?
Here’s the most incredible example. We learn that after unflattering details (what other kind could
there be? He’s Donald Trump!) of his phone conversations with other foreign leaders were leaked
to the press, Trump grew paranoid about National Security Council staffers and launched an
investigation into the source of the leaks. We also learn this (emphasis added):
In turn, some NSC staff believe Trump does not possess the capacity for detail and nuance
required to handle the sensitive issues discussed on the calls, and that he has politicized their
agency by appointing chief strategist Bannon to the council.
The President of the United States of America is too stupid to participate in discussions held
expressly for his benefit. That is what “some NSC staff” have said, here. Talking to him is a waste
of time, because he’s literally incapable of grasping what is being talked about, and he just gets
mad, like a baby. Like a big red baby with a sensitive heinie.
It’s not all bad times and tantrums for Trump, though.
For all his frustrations, Trump has reveled in the trappings of the presidency. He has taken
a liking to the Oval Office, where he spends much of his time working. Following a recent
gathering of business leaders, he brought the group into the storied room and showed them around.
Sometimes he wanders around his office, pecking at the shiny stuff, like a fucking bird.
[For the complete article, click here: Politico]
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